I just saw this water-gun comercial. It's funny how they make a big deal out of them.
YOU CAN LOCK IN THE EXTRA POWER PACK TO DOUBLE YOUR WATER SUPPLY AND SHOOT WATER AT PEOPLE EVEN HARDER!!! But... it's still water. OH NO YOU MADE MY SKIN A LITTLE ANNOYED WITH YOUR HIGH PRESSURE. WHATEVER SHALL I DO AGAINST YOUR SUPER SOAKER XII5,000 2!?
If they *really* wanted to make super soakers that intimidated the competition, they need new types of ammo. Being shot by water just isn't bad enough. I say they introduce a new line of ammo: "Celebrity Saliva." All of the cool kids will be shooting people with Stephen Hawking drool before you know it. And you'll think twice before going up against the kid with Paris Hilton spit, you don't know where it's been.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Zombie Attack
Every now and then I like to practice a certain mental exercise. I ask myself what I would do in completely improbable situations. Today's situation: Zombie Attack.
You gotta figure, you can't kill the zombies. There's a near endless amount of them. Cause... there's billions of people on the planet and at least 99% of them are dumb enough that they'd be dead in 15 minutes. So the first order of business is deciding where you're gonna escape to. That's what they always do in movies, you gotta have a "I'm going to escape to here" plan.
Personally, I'd go to an island in the middle of the Pacific (or was it the Atlantic). And why not that island from "Castaway"? I could just go to the store and get a spalding volleyball and use it as my magical guide to safety. I'd have to make a bloody handprint on it, but... that's easy enough. Lots of dead people around from the zombies?
Then it's just a matter of securing an airplane, or a boat, or a cruise liner... zombie cruise liner... that'd be something new.
Did you hear about the cruise liner that got attacked by pirates a few months back? I'm not kidding, a cruise liner was actually attacked by pirates recently. They used a "sonic weapon" to scare it off. Imagine what their ancestors are thinking from the great beyond. "Arrr matey, we left the trade to these wussies who got scared off by a LOUD NOISE?"
At any rate. Zombie Cruiser Liner, a new movie, coming to a threatre near you, as soon as I can find someone dumb enough to produce it.
You gotta figure, you can't kill the zombies. There's a near endless amount of them. Cause... there's billions of people on the planet and at least 99% of them are dumb enough that they'd be dead in 15 minutes. So the first order of business is deciding where you're gonna escape to. That's what they always do in movies, you gotta have a "I'm going to escape to here" plan.
Personally, I'd go to an island in the middle of the Pacific (or was it the Atlantic). And why not that island from "Castaway"? I could just go to the store and get a spalding volleyball and use it as my magical guide to safety. I'd have to make a bloody handprint on it, but... that's easy enough. Lots of dead people around from the zombies?
Then it's just a matter of securing an airplane, or a boat, or a cruise liner... zombie cruise liner... that'd be something new.
Did you hear about the cruise liner that got attacked by pirates a few months back? I'm not kidding, a cruise liner was actually attacked by pirates recently. They used a "sonic weapon" to scare it off. Imagine what their ancestors are thinking from the great beyond. "Arrr matey, we left the trade to these wussies who got scared off by a LOUD NOISE?"
At any rate. Zombie Cruiser Liner, a new movie, coming to a threatre near you, as soon as I can find someone dumb enough to produce it.
Bleh...
Woke up today at 1:30 p.m. after going to bed at around 10:30 a.m. I can't really figure it out. In a terrible mood too. That's no surprise, been in a terrible mood all week. Sick and tired of my life. Buuuut, you don't care about that.
I see a bible on the stand next to my computer. This reminds me of the Ucarist (or however it's spelled).
Had an argument recently with my father over whether or not his specific branch of Christianity believes if they're eating a 2,000 year old dead guy or not. Ultimately he pulled out that Lutherans believe in "Constansubstatiation" or some ridiculously dense word like that. Basically it's a made up term so that they can believe that the communion wafers and wine doesn't actually turn INTO Jesus, just that it gains his spirit or something. Totally ridiculous and clearly a christian attempt at trying to circumvent basic logic in order to look less insane. Not fooling me.
There's not even any support in the bible for communion. They take ONE line at the end of the last supper bit and make it into a serious tradition and claim Jesus asked them to do it. Just as there's little to no mention of church other than "fellowship with other believers" until you start getting into the ambitions of the leftover members of Jesus' following after his death.
I don't see how anyone can possibly be dense enough to believe this stuff, but... eh. These are the same people who tend to vote for Bush, so it doesn't surprise me.
I see a bible on the stand next to my computer. This reminds me of the Ucarist (or however it's spelled).
Had an argument recently with my father over whether or not his specific branch of Christianity believes if they're eating a 2,000 year old dead guy or not. Ultimately he pulled out that Lutherans believe in "Constansubstatiation" or some ridiculously dense word like that. Basically it's a made up term so that they can believe that the communion wafers and wine doesn't actually turn INTO Jesus, just that it gains his spirit or something. Totally ridiculous and clearly a christian attempt at trying to circumvent basic logic in order to look less insane. Not fooling me.
There's not even any support in the bible for communion. They take ONE line at the end of the last supper bit and make it into a serious tradition and claim Jesus asked them to do it. Just as there's little to no mention of church other than "fellowship with other believers" until you start getting into the ambitions of the leftover members of Jesus' following after his death.
I don't see how anyone can possibly be dense enough to believe this stuff, but... eh. These are the same people who tend to vote for Bush, so it doesn't surprise me.
Osama Bin Guilty?
This always amused me.
The war on terror is making more terrorists. Each and every child who's parents die as a result of our actions in the middle east grows up with a chip on their shoulder against us. What do you think these kids do when they grow up? What do you think they influence others to do?
Instead of asking why 9/11 happened, why it REALLY happened, we took a basic explaination: "9/11 happened because terrorists attacked us." Well, yes, but WHY did they attack us? They hate our freedoms? Come on, does ANY thinking individual really buy that?
Ask yourself why the terrorists attacked us. Better yet, lets ask them! If only Osama had told us why... oh he did. His reason was Israel?
Israel what? Now, I don't think most Americans know anything at all about Israel, so let me paint a picture for you.
It's the 1950s and the Holocaust has just happened. Thousands of Jews are wiped out and the United States feels guilty for sitting back and doing nothing at the start of the war while the Nazis carried out a calculated extermination of an entire race of people. Don't think we didn't know, we just didn't care. After all, when we finally decided to go to war, we only did it out of self-interest, it took an attack on US to make it happen.
The war has ended and the rebuilding has begun. We're getting into cold-war territory with the Soviety Union, and the Europeans are trying to figure out what to do with the remaining Jews in order to prevent further racial intolerance and make up the entire event to everyone of their ethnicity. Great Britain's givin' up its colonies, and they happen to have one in a funny little area called Palestine. Oddly enough, that territory ALSO happens to be where the Jewish Holy Land "Israel" was.
Naturally they decided to give the territory up to the Jews. Sounds nice, doesn't it? How nice of Britian and the United States to back them. There was just one problem... Some people were already living in Palestine...called uh, Palestinians? I mean, what the hell were THEY doing there?
The newly formed U.N. mapped out territory for the Jews to have, and split the area up, so that Israel could be formed and a seperate state of Palestine. But Israel wasn't happy. They wanted more land. And then religious tensions fired... and the region has been in a perpetual state of warfare since.
The United States has supplied Israel with Nuclear Weapons, defends Israel from U.N. security council decisions which would condemn their actions against the Palestinian people, and assist in any way they can so that Israel further digs its teeth into land that isn't theirs.
The Palestinians have become so desperate and lost as a people that they've started strapping bombs to their chest and blowing themselves up in a desperate attempt to do SOMETHING about a horrible situation. Suicide bombing isn't the work of evil masterminds, but tragically hopeless people.
Did Osama have a good reason? I don't know. Nothing justifies what happened on 9/11. But pretending like Osama is the only one to blame and there's nothing we can do aside from killing those who we consider our enemies is ridiculous. Yank support for Israel and terrorists will stop trying to kill us. Or is that too common sense?
The war on terror is making more terrorists. Each and every child who's parents die as a result of our actions in the middle east grows up with a chip on their shoulder against us. What do you think these kids do when they grow up? What do you think they influence others to do?
Instead of asking why 9/11 happened, why it REALLY happened, we took a basic explaination: "9/11 happened because terrorists attacked us." Well, yes, but WHY did they attack us? They hate our freedoms? Come on, does ANY thinking individual really buy that?
Ask yourself why the terrorists attacked us. Better yet, lets ask them! If only Osama had told us why... oh he did. His reason was Israel?
Israel what? Now, I don't think most Americans know anything at all about Israel, so let me paint a picture for you.
It's the 1950s and the Holocaust has just happened. Thousands of Jews are wiped out and the United States feels guilty for sitting back and doing nothing at the start of the war while the Nazis carried out a calculated extermination of an entire race of people. Don't think we didn't know, we just didn't care. After all, when we finally decided to go to war, we only did it out of self-interest, it took an attack on US to make it happen.
The war has ended and the rebuilding has begun. We're getting into cold-war territory with the Soviety Union, and the Europeans are trying to figure out what to do with the remaining Jews in order to prevent further racial intolerance and make up the entire event to everyone of their ethnicity. Great Britain's givin' up its colonies, and they happen to have one in a funny little area called Palestine. Oddly enough, that territory ALSO happens to be where the Jewish Holy Land "Israel" was.
Naturally they decided to give the territory up to the Jews. Sounds nice, doesn't it? How nice of Britian and the United States to back them. There was just one problem... Some people were already living in Palestine...called uh, Palestinians? I mean, what the hell were THEY doing there?
The newly formed U.N. mapped out territory for the Jews to have, and split the area up, so that Israel could be formed and a seperate state of Palestine. But Israel wasn't happy. They wanted more land. And then religious tensions fired... and the region has been in a perpetual state of warfare since.
The United States has supplied Israel with Nuclear Weapons, defends Israel from U.N. security council decisions which would condemn their actions against the Palestinian people, and assist in any way they can so that Israel further digs its teeth into land that isn't theirs.
The Palestinians have become so desperate and lost as a people that they've started strapping bombs to their chest and blowing themselves up in a desperate attempt to do SOMETHING about a horrible situation. Suicide bombing isn't the work of evil masterminds, but tragically hopeless people.
Did Osama have a good reason? I don't know. Nothing justifies what happened on 9/11. But pretending like Osama is the only one to blame and there's nothing we can do aside from killing those who we consider our enemies is ridiculous. Yank support for Israel and terrorists will stop trying to kill us. Or is that too common sense?
Creation
So I made my blog at 4:44 a.m. today.
Realistically I know that no one will probably read this or care even remotely. Why did I make this? For the same reason every moron who makes a blog creates one. They entertain some delusion that their personal thoughts and experiences contain something special, that what they have to say to the world is actually unique and of worth.
Moreover that being heard by the world is dependant on the message's quality and not pure blind luck.
I am not so optomistic, naive, or stupid.
I just thought this would be a nice place to start.
Realistically I know that no one will probably read this or care even remotely. Why did I make this? For the same reason every moron who makes a blog creates one. They entertain some delusion that their personal thoughts and experiences contain something special, that what they have to say to the world is actually unique and of worth.
Moreover that being heard by the world is dependant on the message's quality and not pure blind luck.
I am not so optomistic, naive, or stupid.
I just thought this would be a nice place to start.
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